The world of parenting through my eyes

Unlike my mother, I gave birth to my daughter. It was a c-section, because apparently I'm too skinny and the baby wouldn't turn around. She was nameless for the first 3 days of her life. We wanted to name her Helena, based on my mother's middle name Helen. However, we picked Sophia in the end. I am happy with our choice.

My husband is French from Saône-et-Loire region, and me, I am Indonesian. So, Sophia is quite a mix. When she was born, I wasn't even sure if I was ready to be a parent. I've always wanted to have a child, but the moment she came out of me, I knew that I had to be ready.

Sophia has a mix of me and my husband's personality - but times that with 100. In Indonesia, I was taught not to be too noticeable. Don't stick out like a sore thumb. The moment I was too expressive, I was always told to tone it down, "Apaan sih Lexi, bikin malu" ("What the hell Alexia, you're embarrassing). To me, it was very oppressive. However, with Sophia, we don't limit her. She could be whatever she wants. We allow her to express herself any way she wants to, as long as it doesn't hurt or damage anyone. So, picking up from her father's side, she is incredibly talkative. So talkative, I am often overwhelmed. My brain is always on overdrive. But it's OK, I will let her ask as many questions and comment on as many things as she wants.

I'm not going to lie to you, parenting is tough. It's not a walk in the park. Anyone who says parenting is easy, they're not doing it the right way. It can be enjoyable, yes, but not easy. And, Sophia, in this case, is already the easiest in the difficulty spectrum. We are so lucky to have her. Every professional caretaker, like a childcare worker would say "I would rather have to care for 30 Sophias". That's something I've always been proud of. She is a naturally kind and understanding girl. Moreover, she has always been helpful, she would help her teachers clean the class or help care for the younger toddlers.

My husband has always insisted on protecting her, whatever the cost, and I agree. When we both grew up, we went through a significant amount of bullying, social pressure, and people taking advantage of us simply because we were nice. Sophia experienced her first bullying at the tender age of 4 at her kindergarten. They start so young these days. My husband and I had to continually go back and forth to meet the teacher and the principal. We are not telling her to "Deal with it", "Toughen up". She didn't deserve it, we will defend her. We quickly learned that the girl who bullied her had a rough upbringing. Her parents don't really know how to show love, only discipline. Therefore, she also didn't know how to interact with other human beings. I felt so sorry for her, even she didn't deserve that.

Also with the adults, if they acted like genuine assholes with her, I swear we'd be even tougher. Adults should know better. One time, at her school, Sophia, and a bunch of other kids, were punished for something they didn't do, so I complained. And little did I realise, I created a bit of a shock. Turns out the parents in the school barely ever complain, ever. Other parents told me "Thank you for speaking up" as if no one had the balls to do it before. So me, this tiny brown Indonesian lady had to play bad cop first? Any of you French people who apparently love protesting wanna go next? If my kid is mistreated, fuck - I'd be marching in there.

Just before turning 7, Sophia could read, write, swim, ride a 2-wheeled bike. She loves baking and origami. She makes me feel as if I'm doing alright, even though deep down I am overwhelmed, tired, broken. I don't know how I deserve her.

Every single day from school, she brings home little gifts that she crafted for me and my husband. It always says "I love you mum", "I love you dad". Everyday, she takes time to show us how much she loves us.

At a very young age, she decided that she doesn't believe in a God. She also doesn't believe in Santa Claus, or the Tooth Fairy. I told her that's fine, but if her friends believe in all of those things, you don't have to push your belief into their faces. Everyone has their own points of view and we should respect it. It's a basic part of human decency, unlike what I see back home where they make you feel guilty for not believing in a God, or not praying, or not going to church, or changing religion, or whatever they feel like limiting you with.

Another thing about our parenting is that we swear, a LOT, in front of her. My husband and I swear all the time cause it's natural. It's harder to police ourselves. She picks it up too. We allow her to swear. But, in this case, we teach her that it's not the right thing to do in public. But at home in front of Mama and Papa, she can say so and so is a bitch, shit, fuck this fuck that, whatever, as long as she knows it's not well-accepted outside the door. And surprise, surprise, she understands that very well. Sophia is the most well-behaved kid in public. She knows how to contain herself. As I said before, I don't want to limit her self-expression, as long as it doesn't hurt or damage anyone.

What matters is that there is trust. She can always count on us. For any issue, or difficulties, she can always say anything she wants to us. I want her to know that I'll defend her. We want her to know that she can be comfortable saying whatever she wants to us.

She's a smarter, better, prettier version of me. I love every bit of her.

She's the best gift I have ever received, and she is the reason why, even through my difficulties, I am still here. I want her to grow up with a mother, a father, and all the support she needs. I want to watch her bloom into a woman. I brought her into this world and so that act itself is a promise for me to her to be carer, her defender, her protector, her teacher, but also her friend. She makes me a better person, and I will continually improve myself for her, because she deserves all of that.